LANCING MANOR CRICKET CLUB

Neil'Nelly','Funky','Big White Honkey','Renault','Meldrew','Cash-Point'Reynolds 44.RHB.Opening Bat.Left arm slow or'Wasims'.
With fellow openers' has shared 40 stands of 100+. 17 of those with Dan Griffin. Manors' all-time leading run scorer with just short of 20,000 runs.
Scored over a hundred 50's.Remembers every scoring shot during an innings...which annoys scorers !!..clubs leading catcher too
"Gooner"...just don't talk to him about Jimmy Carter, or Gus Ceasar or Eddie McGoldrick...or Seaman's pony-tail.
Had the pleasure(!) of being called a 'big white honkey' on the 2001 tour by a 'local-wino' that thought he sounded like a 'Londoner'..a deception that wasn't helped when Nelly claimed he came from Peckham !
2009 -Following a couple of poor (by his standards) seasons, 2009 was a solid return, with a batting average of just under 20 with a match-winning league fifty as well as a steady haul of wickets within his 13 matches. His 18 wickets came in the odd clump of devastating spells as he ony bowled 41 overs in the whole summer. Most notable was his 5-10 to skittle Rustington. His 18 wickets cost only 8.5 and duly won him the bowling cup. 20 years after his last one!. He is just around a 100 runs short of 20,000 for the club a figure that will not be bettered.
Awards- 1st XI Batsman 1989,1990,1992,1993,1995,2001,2003, 2005 - 1st XI Bowler 1990, 2009 - All-Rounder 1991,1994,2000
Young Player 1983 - League Batsman 1995
Hazy says..LOSES ENTHUSIASM AFTER AN AVERAGE GAME QUICKER THAN WENGER LOSES HIS SPECS WHEN ONE OF HIS RUFFIANS POLEAXES ANOTHER POOR STRIKER. AS EVER, QUALITY WITH THE BALL, DODGY EYES THE ONLY THING STOPPING HIM ADDING TO THE 8 MILLION RUNS ACCRUED FOR THE MANOR, THAT AND POPPING THE CAVA CORKS WITH DAN AT HALF TEN IN THE MORNING FROM THE CONFINES OF HIS DECKCHAIR AT HOVE. YOU WOULD STILL BACK HIM TO SCORE A TON MOST WEEKS (OR A 93). SEAGULL PUNCHER.

Dave'Pilsbury','Smithy','Smudge','Smuffy','Smidge','Muppet','Dave Roberts','Comedy Dave','Pob','Doc Cox',
'Peanut','Golden Arm','Chocolate Puma','Dave-Boy-Smith','Davis Davis','Chilli-Bruce'Smith
.40.RHB.Top Order Batsman. One of LM's most consistent Batsmen.Supports the Glory Hornet Boys (That's Watford FC!).
Bats with the same style to that of David Gower, only taller, and right handed, and..er......Numerous hanging baskets over the years have had the benefit of being watered by Mr Smith...His leg-bye to gully is stuff of legend.
If available he is always picked and having played over 500 matches for the club is one of the most experienced. The raw-talent of the late 1980's has come a long way.
2009- In his last season as a 30-something - he passed 10,000 runs for the club in May before going on to be Manor's most consistent batter of the summer, in hitting 2 hundreds and 2 fifties (including a 96). His 239 run partnership with Gaz Mason was only 5 short of the club record. 569 runs at 38 won him the Batting Cup for the 3rd time in 4 seasons.
Awards- 1st XI Batting 2006, 2008, 2009 - All-Rounder 1996
Hazy says..ONE THIRD OF RUBBISH DANCE TROUP WITH HAZY AND LIVERSPOT. TONNES OF RUNS THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, INCLUDING A BRUTAL/CLASSY ASSAULT ON A DECENT KEMP TOWN BELGRAVE ATTACK AT THE UNI. THIS GLORY HORNET BOY IS ALWAYS FIRST TO SPRING INTO THE OPPOSITION SHOWERS UNDER THE GUISE OF TRYING TO RECRUIT THEIR STAR MEN… DON’T SIT DOWN WHEN ELTON’S AROUND….. PC.

Gary'Skanks','Scholesy',
'Strawberry Blonde','Jason Mason','Perry'Mason.
42.RHB.Top Order Batsman.
Ginger-Haired Cap-Waring Leicester Lad.

Techically our best all-round batsman, with the flick off his legs through mid-wicket his best shot - (the cut, perhaps is not !).Purple patch in '97 with 8 consecutive scores over 40.
Scandalous Stag-Night photos, mainly of Dan's Bum, you had to be there, glad I wasn't !
Passing 9000 runs for the club.
The career average stays around 32 which is testament to his ability. Only Dan Griffin and Les Lenham can claim to have a higher average of any batter in the top 50 run-scorers for the club.
2009Had an awful middle to the season where he had a run of LBW's and getting out to great catches and at one point was only just averaging in double figures. He battled back as his ability has proven in the past and with a couple of sound 50's and a first league hundred in that partnership with Smithy saw the season finish with 392 runs at 26 - which 90% of the club would settle for. His glove-work never failed to be consistent, especially standing up (thanks Gaz) and was ultimately rewarded with the All-Rounder Cup. Only a couple of hundred runs away from the 10,000 mark.
Awards- 1st XI Batsman 1997,1999 - All-Rounder 2009 - Fielder 1995
Hazy says..AFTER ‘BEST KNOCK EVER’ ON 07 TOUR HE ALWAYS LOOKED LIKE GETTING BIG RUNS LAST YEAR BUT FLATTERED TO DECIEVE BY HIS/OUR HIGH EXPECTATIONS. IS TOO GOOD FOR THE LOWLY DEPTHS THE MANOR HAVE PLUNGED, BUT HOPEFULLY THE LURE OF PLAYING WITH HIS MATES WILL KEEP GAZ AT THE MANOR TILL HE’S TOO OLD TO GO ANYWHERE ELSE! TOP TOURIST ALWAYS ENJOYS SOME LATE NIGHT SHERBING. LIVES IN FINLAND.

Danny'Dan','Griff','Lurch',Shoaib','the man on the floor','Dave Grohl'Griffin
35.RHB. 6'5" Opening Bat. 2003 League Skipper.
Un-orthodox , but savager of poor bowling - similar in many ways to Kevin Pieterson (shape'n'shots)
His career average is 2nd only to Les Lenham's.
Best fielder at Club ('holds' season catching record).Loves making teas..Blue-Icing his speciality.Basically a loony...smoking carrots...swimming fully-clothed..all caught on camera ! (see tour pics!).
Having racked up some 400 matches in 15 seasons, his love of the game has fizzled out - in recent seasons he's appeared only a handful of times each summer, whereas 30-40 matches a season were the norm in his younger days. Thats not to say he isn't as destructive as he was in the past, as his 117 on the second day of the 2007 Brussels tour - an unbelievable innings that allowed Manor to chase down 230+ in a 35 over match in gloom and drizzle. Superb.
2009 - Followed his 7 matches in 2008 with just 5 in 2009 - 2 of which were on tour - sorely missed batter who had he played a couple more league games would have surely seen us promoted. Got married in July - our fantastic tour to Lisbon was the weekend before. We may not see much of Dan in 2010 - but the team will be much stronger if he does don his size 14's.
Awards- 1st XI Batsman 1996,1998,2000,2002 - Young Player 1992 - Clubman 2004
Hazy says..THE MIGHTY GRIFF IS MORE LIKELY TO BE FOUND WITH A FERRET DOWN HIS TROUSERS OF A SATURDAY AFTERNOON THESE DAYS THAN DISPATCHING SOME DIBBLY DOBBLERS ONTO THE ROUNDABOUT. TOUR HERO, BFG, AWESOME ATTACKING CAN WIN ANY GAME SINGLEHANDED, HAS HUMUNGOUS HANDS TOO. CARROT TOKER.

Steve'Beefy','Beef',
'Buddah Shrewsbury','Lovebird'Luckhurst 42.RHB.
Website creator/Statto
All-Rounder/Line and Length Trundler.


1998 would have been 9th consec. season of 50 plus wkts but for '97 when missing 2 months after breaking wrist.(!!). Was once a specialist 1.50am dancer.Had a name-check on the Zoe Ball Radio show...she was unsure of the 'Beefy' bit !
Hazy mis-read the 'Killer' Dartboard in Munich to announce, 'Beefy is Shrewsbury ?'......it had actually said 'Rubbish' - after everyone ganged up and put paid to any hopes of back-to-back tour wins!
2009 - The most economical bowler and until the last 10 overs of the summer disappeared for 89, his 27 wickets had cost 12 each. Best spells being 13-5-23-5 and 15-5-32-3 in the league where the 18 wickets cost just over 12 each for a 5th position in the overall league averages. The end of season club average of 15.6 was good enough to finish behind Reynolds in the Cup. The 7th time that he's finished a runner-up!. Passed Russell Wood to move into 2nd place in all-time leading wicket-takers - although just the small matter of 170 from top spot.
Scorers in Copenhagen mis-heard the 'bowlers name'....and wrote 'Lovebird' in the book. Love-It.
Awards- 1st XI Bowler 1994,1995,1997 All-Rounder 1990,1993,1999 -Young Player 1988
League Bowler 1995,1998 Clubman 2005
Hazy says..A NEW MAN EMERGED AT THE START OF 08 IE: SKINNY, ONCE AGAIN UTTERLY RELIABLE TO PUT IT ON THE SPOT, WILLING AS EVER TO TRAP ANY UNSUSPECTING BUNNIES IN THE MARAUDING HEADLIGHTS OF HIS STUMP SPYING EYES. CLASSY BATTING SHOULD BARE MORE FRUIT, 6’S OVER POINT A BREEZE. BUDDHA SHREWSBURY.

Andrew'Contro,Shaky,
'Andrew Livermore', 'Liverspot', 'Livers''
Livermore 43.
Stylish Right-hand Bat and seam/swing bowler
Returned to club in '99 after a 8 year gap.
Holds the 10-wckt partnership record 109n with Simon Haggis which may stand for a little while....
Had fun on the 2001 tour - except when he dived into a swimming pool only to see £80 float our of a pocket...
The player of the 2007 season. Winning the batting cup, All-Rounders Cup, He won Div3's batting trophy too.
He finished the Leagues second leading wicket taker too - and may have won that too had it not been that the last match of our season was scratched by the opposition with him needing just 2 wickets more.
His 5-5 in 2007 assisted in the record breaking rout of Hangleton.
2009 First season as skipper had it's ups and downs - mainly up's until the run of losses in the last handful of league games denied a title or promotion - although 3rd place meant we stayed in Div 4 for 2010. His frustration at lesser skilled team-mates turned him into Captain Grumpy, but it was just that he cared.....
His 339 runs at 26 placed him 5th in the Averages with a top score a belting 73 which included 10x4 and 4x6's the highlight. 26 wickets (2nd most, 3rd best average) and 13 catches (most) as well as being the only player appearing more than 20 times. Most generous sponsor and supporter of club - and his boy David is coming along nicely as the spearhead of the bowling line-up too.
Awards - 1st XI Batman 2007, All-Rounder 2007 - Div3 Top Run-Scorer 2007, Young Player 1981 - 2nd XI Bowler 1983
Hazy says..HAS THANKFULLY PASSED THE CRICKET GENE DOWN TO SON DAVE, (WICKET SPLAYER IN THE MAKING). ELEGANT BATSMAN CAN LOOK LIKE A GREEN –HELMETED GOD WHEN SWIPING 6’S AT WILL, SHOULD HAVE PICKED UP MORE WICKETS LAST YEAR WITH HIS DIPPY, SPINNY THINGS. TALKED EKEY INTO A COUPLE OF HEARTY BIFFS IN 08 TOO. SPOTTY DADDY.

Nigel'Froggy',
'Frenchy','Mr Vain'French 35.RHB.
Was once a fast Opening Bowler..but I've had to remove the little bowling cartoon as he doesn't bowl much these days - unless pushed...or on tour..
When he does there's a mixture of slip-killing-wides and un-playable yorkers from this ex-bead-wearer.(see pic)
On his day he was a match winner with the ball - and the quickest bowler we had for many years- something that was exasperating when it didn't quite work.
Concenrating more on batting in the last few seasons has seen him become one of our most consistent batters.
In 2004 he had a purple patch of 7 fifties in 8 innings during a run of '61,88,61,8,67,68,64,64' therefore had 4 in a row and matched Les Lenham's 7 in 8 innings.
His adopted song is 'You're so Vain' by Carly Simon, after the remaining tourists ambushed him in the Gents in a pub in Weymouth to sing it to him whilst he was, well, otherwise occupied.
2009 - His season didnt start until late July due to an ankle injury during the winter - however his 211 runs in 4 complete innings showed what he can bring. Within that was a knock of 138 not out with 5x6's and 18x4 in a record stand of 194 unbroken with Chris Salt (51no) which was the 6th highest individual score for the 1st XI. His full return in 2010 will certainly mean Manor are stronger and quicker in the batting line-up.
Awards- Young Player 1993
Hazy says..SHOULD GET MORE RUNS. …..AND DID A NICE TEA.

Owen'Owes','Voicey','Captain Caveman','Vinegars','Cymbals','Ridley','Sideshow','Swiss Tony','Big Fat Dave Whitcomb','God','Paul Van Der Kerkoff','Mr C'Voice 42.RHB. Keeper. No.4/5/6/7/8 Bat...Welsh(!) - looks like 'Scouser' 'Ron Jeremy' 'Bobby Ball' 'Terry McDermott'...has Richard Gere's hair......Takes nothing seriously..except not being serious....Quickest thing on two legs...to the bar ! - Has just been re-erected, sorry, re-elected, as Chairman of the club! - a position he is proud to hold.
Dropped the dolly of all dolly's on the 2005 Munich tour, whilst standing up, the ball was top-edged straight up - about 7 foot off the ground - but came down and clipped the ends of the Gloves with open-mouthed astonishment all-round. Then a big cry of 'Ker-ching' from the fielders.
2009 - Our Chairman who's grey hair makes him appear from a distance 20 years older than he actually is, racked up a nice 200+ runs for the season which he'll take most seasons. A couple o good knocks including a 45 when another 50 was for the taking and enthusiastic (it says here) sunday/touring glovework meant he was invariably in the mix somewhere. 13 Catches in his 16 matches.
If we all had his belief the club would have 100 members. Others should follow his example.
Awards - Fielder 1990,1994 Clubman 2003
Hazy says..ALWAYS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT CAN BE RELIED UPON TO PROP UP THE MIDDLE ORDER WHEN THOSE AT THE TOP HAVE FAILED. NO.1 IN THE QUEUE WHEN SILLY ANTICS ARE REQUIRED, GETTING VAUGHANY TRIGGERED AT ARUNDEL A HIGHLIGHT, ALONG WITH ICE BATHING (NEARLY) IN ESTONIA. RUNS THE CLUB WITH AN IRON FIST WELL HIDDEN BEHIND A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HAND PUPPET. TOP ATTITUDE ON THE PITCH AN EXAMPLE TO ALL, LOVES THE MANOR AND THE MANOR LOVES HIM. DRUNKEN BELT.

Chris'Yorkie','Crazy Hazy','Hazy Fantazy','Purple Haze','Adam Sandwich','Flogger'Hazlehurst..31,RHB.
Once thought of as a James Beattie lookalike..until these pictures proved otherwise!
Has a casual manner at the crease, all lazy timing, which somehow still sends the ball to and over the boundary!
Highlight of Tour 2005 was the battle-cry before setting foot in Munich to 'Flog the F-ing Germans all round the park' - 4 balls into his innings, he swished at a loopy pie and trooped off with a big fat Duck to his name.Priceless. Well, actually, very expensive. Ker-ching.
2009.-
Moved away from the area which meant he only rolled out 6 times in the summer, but nipped in with a nice 54 to remind everyone of his laz-hazy shot making abilities. Fantastic Tour write-ups not to be missed (go there now) - possibly moving back to join the fold for 2010 - c'mon!
Hazy says (about himself)..EASILY CONFUSED RE: TIME CRICKET 20/20 ETC. CAN STRUGGLE WHEN HAS TO RELY ON HIS OWN CANNON FODDER TO PROP UP THE ATTACK, BUT HAPPY TO LOL AT SLIP WHEN BAKER, LUCKHURST ET AL ARE CLEANING UP. GETTING ATTACKED BY FROGS ON THE OUTFIELD AND ‘NOT SEEING THE BALL’ ON THE LAST DAY OF TOUR WAS THE LAST STRAW FOR HAZY WHO HAD TO RELINQUISH THE CAPTAINCY TO SALTY MID INNINGS, A DUNKLE TOO FAR. SEEING LURCH ROLLING AROUND IN HIS OWN WEE THE NIGHT BEFORE PROBABLY DIDN’T HELP. HOWEVER HE SPRUNG INTO LIFE AND PLAYED HIS BEST INNINGS OF THE SEASON AN HOUR LATER, HURRAH! PRANNY.

Andy'Ruby','Rubes','Freddie Flintoff'Murray32RHB.2003 2nd XI Skipper.
Manor's answer to Andy Flintoff....if that's a good thing !
'Ruby' has a strange habit of turning a full 360-pirouette before throwing the ball in...Has had the misfortune to have played in all 3 matches where opponents have scored in excess of 380 ..(namely 394-6 , 381-2 and 424-4)...in those 3 matches his combines bowling figures read....24-0-260-4.!
Is a budding 6-biffer.
2009- The most enthusiastic of members lost a bit of faith and confidence as Manor's strive for promotion meant the odd 'rotation' and games of not batting/bowling - played one of the shots of the season however in the last over draw at West Wittering, creaming a cover drive whilst no's 10/11 watched open-mouthed. Bowling just 27 overs in 7 matches will surely treble in 2010 as Manor field a 2nd XI for the first season since 2005. He has been re-installed as skipper and will I'm sure look forward to 2010 with renewed vigor.
The highlight of 2008 was undoubtedly his appearance on 'The Weakest Link' where he came third "stitched up by Army Boy and a student"
His own introduction of 'I'm Firty Fwee' went down well with Anne Robinson.
Awards - Clubman 1999, 2nd XI Batsman 2005, 2nd XI Bowler 2003, All-Rounder 2003, 2005.
Hazy says..FRIEND OF THE STARS WHOSE MIGHTY LOWER ORDER BLOWS SADLY ONLY LAST SEEN A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO AT IFIELD, THOUGH BOWLED TIGHTLY LAST SEASON. CLASSIC APPEARANCE ON THE WEAKEST LINK LOOKING LIKE THE MEKON, FLIRTING WITH THE RED-HAIRED TYRANT AND SPORTING A NON EXISTENT SPEECH IMPEDIMENT TOOK HIM TO A RESPECTABLE 3RD, GANGED UP ON BY ‘STUDENT AND ARMY BOY’. GOT A CRICKET ONE RIGHT TOO. LAST SEEN COSYING UP TO RMJ AT WORK. WOULD BE A FUNNY TOURIST. VEST TAN MAN.

Nick'Nick','Brownie',
'Fudge Din Dins','FDD'
Brown 36.RHB.Medium trundler..
Munich tourist who gained a new nick-name with the classic "where are we having Din-Dins tonight" - the 'fudge' element goes without much explanation. One of only three players to have taken a wickets with the first ball bowled for the 1st XI. Had established himself as the 2nd XI's opening bowler - only for the 2nd XI to fold!
Was at the centre of the 'exploding ball' incident during Jaffa's Testimonial match- (Beefy bowled an apple to which Nick probably played his best ever shot - the apple simply disintergrated !
Career highlight so far was winning the 2nd XI bowling Cup in 1999 - or was it opening the Batting for the Sunday XI at Staplefield in 2007 - he was run out for not many when a fify was there for the taking.
20098 His unfailing efforts to keep Manor going, while undertaking both 'Club Sec' and 'Team Sec' roles are not forgotten by his fellow members - it's more fun when Fudgey is around - especially as a tourist buddy - and here's to a solid 2010 with the 2nd XI coming back into action as he will no doubt have 7-10 overs per match rather than the <4 per game he merited in 2009. His 17no in the league victory over St Matthias enabled setting a 200+ score. Lack of bowling opportunities meant it was difficult to get any kind of form/rhythem.
Awards - 2nd XI Bowler 1999 - Clubman 2008
Hazy says..A TOP CLUB MAN CAPABLE OF MUCH BETTER STATS WITH THE BALL. OLIGARCH/PROPERTY MAGNATE, EVERYONES FAVOURITE TOUR BUDDY, CAN BE RELIED UPON TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD WITH A SILLY SONG/WIG. WONDER IF THE BIG KNOBS AT KPMG REALISE NO ONE CAN BALANCE THE SCOREBOOK AFTER A COUPLE OF OVERS OF RANDOM NUMBERING BY THE GREAT FUDGE. TOILETRIES BAG MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED. POSH PANTS.